Irraglin - The Age of Carving

Season Two, Session Two - I Give Up

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Rossart manages to get thrown into jail once again.

Day 3, 3rd of April 737 PC

After getting a nice, filling breakfast to calm themselves down after yesterday’s happenings, the party get straight back into arguing. Hoping to take advantage of the situation, a burly looking orc approached the party, introducing himself as Kutar Sherwood. Seeking to mend the scar that Orvil left behind, the two sides agreed on partnering up, and wanted to move on to a nearby town as soon as possible.

Thankfully, Rossart was there to stop all that. Moving on to another town before wrecking it first, pfft, what were they thinking? Getting into yet another heated argument with Daggrum, Rossart ends up 1v1ing a local military officer. Forgetting every single one of his famed Blackguard abilities, he got fukin’ rekt, and was promptly thrown in jail for an undisclosed amount of time.

Realizing there’s no fucking way they would be able to stick around with that hunk of meat, the rest of our travelers started making southwards.

It was about at this point I lost their trail. It was way easier following a giant and a dwarf, than what they are currently packing with. Hopefully one day I’ll catch up on them again, but for now I have to run.

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Season Two, Session One - Let's Give This Another Try

Hoping to find some work, the party ends up beating the shit out of each other.

Day 1, 1st of April 737 PC

After a series of trials involving some uproarious chavs, a bit of careless whispering, and a grand duel, Daggrum Oathbeard found himself in a forest clearing. Beside him stood the noble blackguard Rossart Crowl. Being the greedy oppressive scum that they are, their first thought was to get out of the forest as fast as possible, not taking even a moment to enjoy their surroundings.

As one would expect, getting out of the forest proved not to be an easy feat, and soon they came upon a damsel in distress battling an Owlbear. More than four seconds later, the vicious creature lay dead at the hands of Rossart Crowl. Smelling the blood of his mistress’ enemies, a bulldog soon appeared with a flask of ale. Enjoying the fact that peasants do all the work for her, even slaying owlbears, Anulia Glewiel emptied the flask.

Hoping to get back to the civilized world, free of lowly dwarves, Anulia sent her pet off to find a nearby town. After exchanging some (un)pleasantries, Rossart Crowl chased after the bulldog. The dwarf and the damsel followed behind, but quickly lost chase. A short while later, Rossart Crowl found himself in a tavern, where he sat down and got something to drink. After what felt like an eternity, Anulia and Daggrum eventually found themselves by the forest border. Completely exhausted, Daggrum dropped to the floor. Not caring for such scum, Anulia made her way to the tavern.

Day 2, 2nd of April 737 PC

Although it took some convincing, Anulia eventually showed Rossart where his dwarven partner lay unconscious. One would think Daggrum would be happy to be “rescued”, but nay. An argument between the two adventurers soon erupted, escalating to the point where Daggrum lost all his money and Rossart ended up spending a night in jail. Somehow, the dwarf managed to restrain himself from ending the blackguard’s life then and there.

Possibly intoxicated by the rush of adrenaline, Anulia, Rossart, and Daggrum ended up agreeing to work together. How this would end up working, neither of them knew for sure.

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Season One, Chapter Eight - ...And An End

After having spent weeks trying to retrieve a magical sword for a shady man, the party’s adventures culminate in a grand battle.

Day 39, 28th of March 737 PC

The party headed back to the tavern and enjoyed some well-deserved rest after the tower battle.

Day 40, 29th of March 737 PC

Most of the day was spent relaxing and purchasing supplies.

Day 41, 30th of March 737 PC

Healin’ up. Kilik got laid.

Day 42, 31st of March 737 PC

After enjoying what would prove to be their last hearty supper, the party packed their stuff and started their journey back to the tomb. Entering the tomb, they were greeted by two soldiers clad in the same uniform as the ones they fought earlier. The party assured them that they meant no harm, but for some reason the men figured it a better deal to attempt to fight the party, rather than avoiding harm. With Oluf’s might, they easily finished them off before suffering any injuries.

Venturing further inside, the party took a turn to right, past the statue that Kilik recognized as a depiction of Caerus, the god of luck. The alleyway ended up leading them into an empty room, seemingly looted. In the middle stood a large archway. Although the archway seemingly had no magical effect at that moment, the party noticed that the rock it was made of was a lot older than the surrounding rock the room was carved out of. Planning to come back later, the party backtracked to the statue and headed in the other direction.

Eventually the party came upon a rather large room, with a coffin dead center in the middle. Above the coffin floated what seemed like the ghost of an old man, sleeping. Poldo took it upon himself to inspect the room closely, finding bodies of previous graverobbers heaped in piles. As he approached the coffin, suddenly a series of creaking noises could be heard, and skeletons and zombies swarmed the party. Hoping to avoid conflict, Poldo tumbled backwards behind the party.

A grand battle followed, with the tides of battle going back and forth. Oluf cleaved his mighty axe, cutting off limbs left and right, truly showcasing his might. Being the just cleric that he was, Kilik smote the undead with all his fury, cracking open the skulls of skeletons. Poldo stayed mostly in the back, loosening arrow after arrow; starting off well, anxiety eventually got to Poldo, making him miss his most critical shots.

Bravely, Kardry stood right in the melee, going toe-to-toe with a zombie, even putting up a good fight. Yet a frail cripple wizard could never win a battle with a well-equipped undead soldier, and eventually he had to bite the dust. Oluf, surrounded by a monster skeleton and a pair of tall zombies, could not stand forever, either, and perished by taking a longsword right through his chest. Around his corpse, he had managed to bring down a series of undead with him, not dying in vain. Seeing his friend dwarf take a fall, Kilik held his ground bravely, but was eventually massacred by the mass. Poldo stood alone in the back, easily having been able to run away, the young halfling risked his life yet again for his friends, holding strong ’till the bitter end. Although there were moments where things looked bright for Poldo, eventually he too crumbled under the might of a monster skeleton.

As every story must have a beginning, it also must have an end. The heroic adventurers who started their journey off risking their lives for the townsfolk of Simstel, then saved the citizens of Solstar from a hobgoblin attack, ended up falling to the remains of a wizard they never even learned the name of. Like thousands of other noble souls, the memories of Oluf Copperstout, Kilik Lawhammmer, Kawaii-Chan, and Poldo Shadowbrew shall all be whisked away in the sands of time.

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Season One, Chapter Seven - Tomb Raiders Part 2

The party concludes that friendship is the one thing every adventuring band needs, before proceeding to try and kill each other off by fist-fighting on a rooftop.

Day 38, 27th of March 737 PC

Wasting no time, the party got their sit together and quickly started climbing the landslide up to the tomb. Giving literally no fucks Kardry immediately charges forward to the tomb entrance, attempting to open the door. As you would expect, the party was soon met with fiery doom in the form of a missile, burning Kardry and Kilik to a crisp.

Although Poldo and Oluf would rather just leave the imbeciles behind, something deep in their soul made them head over and pour them some health potions. When the party finally finished talking shite, an ancient voice soon swept over them, greeting them with a riddle. Of course no one who’ll ever read this actually gives a damn about the riddle, so we’ll just jump to the interesting part where Kardry pronounces that friendship is the best quality a party can have, solving the riddle.

Upon entering the mural, Kardry noticed a peculiar set of beautiful murals upon the side walls, depicting two battlefields led by kings wielding a mighty sword. Although he did not recognise a particular battle or king, he did recognise that the sword could not be anything but the Githyanki longsword Giventhar. Remembering what their original mission was, he quickly deduced that it probably is the sword they are to retrieve, informing the party thereof.

For some inconceivable reason, the party thought that this would be an excellent time to settle down and take a quick nap in the middle of the wizard tomb that they are graverobbing. With the heroic party being heavily wounded at this point, the gods did not want to punish them for their foolishness, but justice demands retribution, so the party was ambushed during the nighttime. And again. And then again again. Instead of reaching for the logical conclusion “Holy shit, maybe we should rest someplace that isn’t full of things that want to kill us,” the party foolishly decides to venture further into the tomb in no better condition than at dusk.

Day 39, 28th of March 737 PC

Traversing past the murals, our fellowship came upon a dome-shaped room, lit by a disk in the centre of the room. A white flash engulfed the room, and three monsters charged towards the party. One of them a fiery snake, another a Dust Devil, and the third a truly menacing Sandling.

Hoping to tank the brunt of the attack, Kilik and Oluf met the charge head-on, while Kardry and Poldo took up position behind them. Slashing his mighty axe downwards, Oluf cleaved the snake in half, parrying the Dust Devil when pulling back. Encouraged by his fellow dwarf, Kilik slammed his hammer into the Sandling. The sandling did not flinch, however, and leapt at Kilik, crunching into his side.

Not being able to take the sight of his dear dwarven teddybear friend bitten in half, Kardry limped into battle, wielding nothing but his bare fists. Although melee combat had added nothing but injury to the elf’s self-confidence, today proved to be his day. Kneeling down, Kardry slapped his hands on top of the Dust Devil, causing it to riposte. Although completely unarmored and lacking a foot, he dodged the attack masterfully. Poldo had till now missed every single shot, but managed to land one arrow, glancing the cheek of the Dust Devil. One more slap was all it would take, and Kardry proved his worth. Yet again, he knelt down gracefully, slapping the Dust Devil with all his elvish fury, causing it to shriek and vanish into thin air.

Unfortunately, Kardry’s victory proved to be short-lived, and within seconds after defeating the Dust Devil, the Sandling charged at him. Bravely, Kilik tried to defend his comrade, though the wounded cleric proved no match for the monstrous elemental, biting straight into the dwarf’s chest, causing him to drop down unconscious and bleed heavily. Directly after, Kardry met the same fate.

Wanting to end the battle before things got even uglier, Oluf responded by doing the one thing he is good at (Other than dancing) – slamming his axe into monsters. The blow left a heavy gush in the Sandling, but it seemed unmoved and went in for a counter-attack on the dwarf, thrashing his shield arm. At this point Poldo was near out of fire arrows, but kept launching them one after on, missing every single shot. Summoning the last bit of strength inside him, Oluf growled out, echoing throughout the tomb, before landing one final blow on the Sandling. Although close to dead, the Sandling did not hesitate for a second and tore out the last bit of strength Oluf had in him, causing him to drop down next to Kilik.

With Poldo knowing that the fate of the entire party lay his shoulders, and his shoulders only, he pulled out the one thing he knew he could rely on: his dagger. Although any sane rogue would have ran away once the first bodies started dropping, Poldo felt a certain sense of camaraderie, convincing him otherwise to risk his life for people he had barely known for a month. Asking for a death-wish, the tiny halfling scurried into battle with the monstrous Sandling more than triple his size. Being at such an advantage the viper attempted to get the first hit, but Poldo managed to barely evade the attack, stabbing the Sandling as it was repositioning.

Poldo’s roguish luck could unfortunately not last forever, and the Sandling whipped its tail around, causing the halfling to slip down on his back. At this point both of them were too wounded to continue, and each of them gambled on their attacks mortally wounding each other. Certain that it had won the battle, the Sandling shoved it’s mouth downwards to finish off Poldo. Laying helpless on the floor, Poldo saw no proper way out, and held his dagger high, taking a slash at the creature’s throat, critically splatting it open, causing dusty blood to splash over him and his party.

Although the battle was won, the lives of his friends were not safe. Panicking, Poldo searched every backpack and force-fed everyone one healing potion each. Within seconds, the party’s wounds cleared up, but only Kardry woke up. Hoping to be able to scavenge some supplies to patch up the dwarves, the two of them explored deeper into the tomb. As they exited the room they were in they were greeted by a statue depicting a boy, wearing a silver disc around his neck. Inexplicably, Kardry tore of the disc and tossed it at Poldo, who failed to catch it. As the disc exploded into a thousand pieces, the elf ran back into the previous room, dropping down next to all the corpses.

Believing that his one and only remaining friend in this world had deserted him, Poldo lowered his shoulders, saying a prayer to a god he does not even worship. Although he was completely exhausted at this point, not having slept for two days and fought for hours on end, he pulled out the tiny bit of willpower inside him and dragged the two dwarves out to the sunlight, hoping that they would wake up. His thoughtfulness proved to be of no use however.

With Kardry offering no help, possibly being dead as well, Poldo figured this would be the last time he’d ever see his brothers in arms. One small halfling had no chance at getting two bulky dwarves to the nearest town. As heartbroken as a thief of his stature could ever be, Poldo said his final goodbyes to the dwarven duo. With shoulders hanging low, he slowly started walking towards Jagged, turning his back to look at them one last time. Instead of being greeted by the smile of Oluf, Poldo saw Kardry charging at him. Not believing Kardry would cause him any harm, Poldo waited up for him. His assumption about Kardry unfortunately proved wrong. As the elf caught up to Poldo, he tried to slam his fist down on the half-man. Not getting a good vibe from his former friend-who-now-tries-to-possibly-kill-him, the halfling sprinted as fast as he could away. Having to walk with a stump, Kardry knew there was no way he would ever catch up to Poldo, so he turned back towards the dwarves.

After behaving completely irrationally for a while, possibly due to lack of sleep, Kardry chose his side and stuck to it for once, taking a seat beside the dwarves out in the heat. After caring for them for what seemed like an eternity, Oluf woke up to a setting sun. Minutes after, Kilik followed. Kardry did not really seem to care to explain the situation, and dragged them along to Jagged as soon as possible. Upon arriving in Jagged in the late hours of the evening, the party rented the room in the nearest inn and slept like logs.

Poldo had arrived in town many hours earlier, and had taken the time to completely revamp his appearance. The halfling who was once blonde-haired in scruffy clothing, was now a brunet in ravishingly colourful clothing. No amount of money would be able to rid him of his red eyes, at least not in the small town of Jagged. Lastly, there was only one tavern in the entire town, so he tried to keep a low profile while eating his daily meals.

Waking up on the morn, Kardry was determined to see Poldo dead for leaving the party behind, and approached the first band of fighters he found in the tavern. After some discussion back and forth, they agreed to look for Poldo if Kardry payed up front. Blinded by rage, he figured it worth the risk and money, handing them a tidy sum of gold after explaining his side of the story to the party. Not trusting the mercenaries completely, Kardry went out to town to continue the search himself while the dwarves stayed behind in the bar.

After having a bit too many drinks, Oluf took it upon himself to survey the tavern for any pretty ladies. Unfortunately for his libido. Taking notice of this, Kilik figured this would be a good moment to reveal his one secret to his dwarven friend. Back when the two had first met, Kilik had been introduced to one of Oluf’s sisters, Hilda. The two of them ended up hitting off, eventually leading to some of the old sexy time. Completely shocked, Oluf may or may not have shed some tears, but ended up taking it quite well. He definitely required a refill of his drink afterwards, however.

When trying find some lady to drown his sorrows in, Oluf ended up recognizing a small halfling amongst the crowd. Unsure of where Poldo’s loyalties lay, the dwarf charged foward and bashed Poldo to the ground. It took a few moments for Poldo to realize what the hell was going on, but eventually he convinced Oluf to let go of his grip so that the halfling could explain his side of the story. For all Poldo knew, the party had no chance at making a recovery, with Kardry seemingly wanting to slaughter him for some unknown reason, forcing him to run into hiding and change his appearance. The dwarves were never completely trusting of Kardry’s story, but this really made them sympathize with the halfling moreso than the elf.

Hoping to clear things up, the three of them went looking for Kardry around town, ending up finding on the roof of a general store. Having none of Poldo’s excuses, Kardry taunted some nearby townsman, causing him to charge towards the halfling. Oluf and Kilik were set on having this dealt with peacefully, and pushed the man away. Seeing no way of murdering Poldo under these circumstances, Kardry challenged him to a man on man fist fight on the roof. If Kardry won he would have the right to take Poldo’s life, but if Poldo won he’d be the one to decide the fate of Kardry.

As you would expect, this battle was one of legend. On one side you had a shady halfling accused of betraying his friends, and on the accuser’s side, an elven stump-legged wizard who barely could stand upright from being so heavily wounded. Hoping that justish would prevail that day, Kardry went for the first strike, but standing not even a meter tall, Poldo dodged the attack easily. Somehow, Kardry evaded Poldo’s counter-attack just as masterfully. The battle raged on for what seemed like an eternity, going back and forth and back and forth.

By now a large crowd had formed around the shop, cheering for either side. ’twas not every day you got to see a party on a rooftop in a small town like Jagged. Of course, no one had any bloody idea what was happening, and the newcomers were just told some lunatics were jousting in single combat on a flipping roof.

Standing this high above ground, one mistake could easily mean the loss of their frail lives. Considering that, you would think the both of them would carefully plan their moves; Kardry seemed to disagree, going in for a slap whenever he had the chance. Poldo realized this dearly, but he was way more comfortable letting loose arrows than brawling with someone so much taller than him, and waited for the perfect moment. As both sides were tiring out, the battle moved closer and closer to the edge. Believing he could just drag the light halfling off the roof, Kardry limped towards the halfling as fast as he could. Unfortunately for him, this situation was all-too-perfect for Poldo, ducking low and giving Kardry a shove towards the edge. Most other men would have been able to regain their balance, but Kardry slipped off the ridge and fell down, landing with a thud.

Not being an asshole of the same caliber as his opponent, Poldo dropped down from the roof, calling for Kilik to get a fix on some health potions. Rushing to the nearest alchemist, Kilik returned a few minutes later with a glowing red flask, which he fed Kardry. Gasping for air, the elf seemed a new person, suddenly regarding Poldo as a friend. Not really sure what the hell was going on inside the mind of Kardry, Poldo smiled, giving Kardry a slap on the shoulder.

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Season One, Chapter Six - Tomb Raiders Part 1

After accepting the mission to raid a tomb for a magical sword from a mystical employee, the party battles their way through the southern Meerlands.

Day 34, 23rd of March 737 PC

After regaining their wits, the party headed back to Zeke’s Herald, where they had a drink and clumped up in front of Oluf’s bedroom, where the suspected Wizard was to have placed something for them. As Oluf tried to open the door, he found that something was holding the door in place. Confused, he pushed the door open with all his might, revealing that it was a chest that was blocking the door.

Once done pondering over how the hell their employee managed to place a chest directly in front of the door and still make it out, they opened the chest to find it filled with potions, arrows, and a flask of fire oil, which was then split amongst the party. In the bottom of the chest lay a parchment detailing their quest, and on the back of the parchment was a map detailing the location of the tomb. The party, now sure of what to do, set out the following morning.

Day 35, 24th of March 737 PC

Thankfully little action was to be had on the first day, and the party spent most of the day travelling and arguing.

Day 36, 25th of March 737 PC

Around noon, the party met up on a caravan of merchants who offered to sell them various sorts of equipment. Most of the party satisfied their inventories with new armour, a great helm, and a fine grappling hook, while Kardry was saltily disappointed with the merchants’ lack of forks and glaives. Afterwards their travels proceeded as usual, until they sat down and camped for the night.

During Poldo’s nightly shift, the party received a visit from some odd forty red eyes peering from the distance. Quietly, the roguish halfling woke up the party and informed them of what was happening. Preparing for combat, Kilik put on his full Chain Mail, while Oluf only donned his shield and axe. Sure enough, a few minutes later a pack of kobolds charged at the party.

Getting quite used to this by now, Kardry reacted by surrounding the area in a circle of grease, while the rest of the party stood their ground. With the kobolds coming at them in waves, the party valiantly fought off the first few that managed to reach the party, fully aware that the battle had barely begun. Hoping to crush the morale of our heroes, suddenly a dozen of the kobolds wrought their assault up the hill, with many of them falling to the might of grease. Hoping to take the brunt of the attack, Oluf Copperstout bravely ventured forward to meet their charge head on.

Meanwhile, Kardry and Kilik were stuck in their own battle with a few outsiders. Dominating the battle, Kilik bashed in heads left, right, and center. Not to discredit Kardry, but his moment to shine was not ‘till a wee while later. Just as Kilik finished cleaning up his piece of the battlefield, Oluf was perilously stuck in melee combat with nine kobolds, which even for a dwarf of his stature, is something only a few survive. Especially so if they aren’t wearing any armor.

Close to being surrounded, Oluf saw no way out of this battle, so if he was to die, he wanted to die with kobold blood on his hands. Cleaving his way through the masses, he managed to decapitate the most threatening ones before returning to a defensive stance. Spying all of this from across the battlefield, Kilik realized the gravity of the situation that his fellow dwarf was in, and scurried across the battlefield as fast as his dwarf legs could carry him.

Hoping to deliver the a crushing blow to the party’s morale, the remainder of the kobolds charge up from behind, threatening to flank the group. With the onslaught oncoming and with no spells left in his arsenal, Kardry saw no way out of this mess than to throw his Oil of Fiery Burning at the mass of kobolds. Giving the throw of his frail lifetime, he landed the glass bottle perfectly in the middle of the tiny army, exploding on impact and turning the tide of the battle.

During roughly the same time-frame, Kilik also had his own fun with fire, summoning a flaming hammer to sunder the kobolds with the might of Doran. When trying to deliver the finishing blow to the party, the devious rats ended up receiving it themselves. Seeing their comrades massacred by the dozens and Oluf still standing strong proved too much, so the remaining few turned the other way and ran for their lives. Victory was to be the party’s, once again.

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Actual wizardly-recorded footage of the battle

Day 37, 26th of March 737 PC

After letting their adrenaline rushes fade off, the party caught a few hours of sleep before returning to their travels. Half-asleep, the party found their way to Serpentsbridge, one of the larger bridges crossing the river over to the town of Jagged. Naturally, upon hearing the name of the bridge one would immediately grow very suspicious.

Being the logical non-dwarven weaklings that Kardry and Poldo are, you’d think they’d actually possess some sense of critical thinking to realise that a common bridge probably wouldn’t try to kill them. If so, you’d be disappointed to know that that is exactly what they believed, imagining milky snakes flowing through the marble of the bridge, ready to set their fangs into their guts. The indifferent dwarves, on the other hand just walked straight over the bridge, beckoning for the rest of the party to follow. Reluctantly, they also eventually made it safely across the bridge.

After wasting literally minutes on crossing the Serpentsbridge, the party soon found their way to the tiny mountainous town of Jagged, where they booked their rooms and dined before heading out to town. Kardry, still wanting his French Fork, took a trip to the local blacksmith who offered to build him this foreign weapon. Unfortunately, Kardry learned that smithing a weapon is a tedious and time-consuming process, and he would not be able to have it ready sooner than in two weeks. Politely declining, Kardry made his way back to the inn along with the party to catch some well-earned rest.

Day 38, 27th of March 737 PC

Waking up in the morn, the party consulted the map to find directions for the tomb, hoping they weren’t too far off track. Sure enough they proved to be only a few hours away.

Arriving at the Giant’s Craw, the party took their time to survey the area. Poldo ended up spying the tomb up on a pile of rocks, probably placed by a recent landslide. Our Halfling friend was not the only one spying in the area, though, and not long after they found themselves in combat with a small mounted patrol of an unknown allegiance, seemingly guarding the tomb.

Doing what he does best, Kardry covered the battlefield in grease, while Kilik commanded one of the soldiers to go berserk, causing massive confusion in their ranks. The one who proved to be the leader slashed his sword through his comrade’s shoulder before sliding through the grease, leaving his entire patrol on the ground. Eventually one of them managed to flee the grease-field. His victory proved to be short-lived, however, as Poldo pierced a burning arrow through his throat.

By now, the mounted leader had reached the party, getting ready to slash his sword down on them. Oluf and Kardry, standing shoulder to shoulder were getting ready to land a counter-attack, hoping to unhorse him. Regrettably, he knew exactly what was was coming. Skilfully he steered his horse away, faking out the retreat, before charging into first Olaf, delivering a nasty blow to his sword arm, then getting another blow in on Poldo.

Further forward, Kilik had found himself a target of his own. Where before the dwarven cleric only had the chance to battle puny monsters and bandits of the worst kind, his opponent proved to be a well-equipped and trained rogue, dancing with daggers of eastern origin. Savouring the moment, Kilik cautiously duelled him, waiting for the trickster to make the first mistake.

Seeing his nearest group members being filleted, Kardry lured the horseman to run in the other direction by taunting him while using ventriloquism. Finally having been given a breath of fresh air, Kardry and Oluf charged forward, hoping to catch the one scout still lying in the pile of grease off guard. Unfortunately, the taunt didn’t last as long as he had planned, and Kardry was caught unaware with a cut slicing open his back, leaving him unconscious and bleeding out. Consumed by calm fury, Oluf cleaved his axe into the mane of the horse, causing the rider to spill on the ground. Performing his signature move, Oluf left the leader in two pieces before charging off to the grease-pile.

Although an honorable man, Kilik is not a patient man. After parrying and blocking for what seemed like an eternity, and his opponent returning the favour, Kilik did not feel like stalling the battle any longer. Raising his fist in the air and shouting a prayer, his hand started to blacken, swallowed by pure iron. With all the might in his bulky arms, he propelled his fist into the scoundrel, causing him to stagger. Thinking Kilik vulnerable he went in for a full assault, which ended up leaving himself as the vulnerable one. Having waited all day for this moment, Kilik shield-bashed him to the ground, leaving him open for the finishing blow. Truly satisfied with the battle, he said a short prayer before cracking his skull open.

Hoping to end the battle, lest Kardry suffer a terrible fate, Oluf made quick work of the one remaining grease-laden soldier by cleaving off his arms, before running back to the bleeding elf. Kilik and Poldo soon followed. Hoping that priestly magic would do the trick, Kilik gave Kardry a short tap on the shoulder, closing some of the wounds. Realizing that that wasn’t enough, Oluf forcefed him a Healing Potion. Not long after Kardry was gasping for air.

As you would expect of the short party, long arguments soon continued over what and where and who gets to loot. Thankfully, the party made up their minds before yet another patrol came after them, and the party left with their pockets full of gold and backpacks heavy with magical equipment, ready to continue on.

~ Cedric, The Wandering Wizard

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Season One, Chapter Five - The Misgivings of Cedric

Unfortunately, due to my own incompetence, I have lost the writings of what happened between the 11th of March and 23rd of March while trying to escape the clutches of some irate nobleman whose name, for the sake of honor, shall not be mentioned, so the only knowledge I have of those events is what I can recall from memory. I am terribly sorry for the line of events, but you cannot be a dashingly handsome adventurer without having an admirer chasing you around the world

Basically, the party rid themselves of the sword that cleaved off Kardry’s foot, and used a fair sum of the money to pay for a peg-leg. A peculiar form of justice, but still just as fair. Afterwards, the party made a deal with the local lord for the supplies for Solstar with the help of Jack, and a few days later they made their way back to Solstar.

Upon arriving in Solstar, they were informed that a feast was to be held in two days, on Oluf’s nameday, as a matter of fact. The feast sure was a grand thing, with lords and ladies, wenches and greasers, foodstuffs and drink; anything a good feast needs. The occasion was truly one to celebrate as well, namely the saviors of Solstar, our heroic friends Oluf, Kilik, and Kardry.

During the afterparty, Oluf ended up having a great time, perhaps getting a bit too tipsy, even for a dwarf, although the ladies didn’t seem to mind, and with the power of 69, he managed to land in bed with not only one, but two noblewomen. The rest of the party did not have much success, however, and all Kilik managed to do was be labeled a creep.

The following day Oluf spent most of his day basking in his glory, while the rest of the party were sulking in their rooms and pissing on translators. Yet the Gods were not satisfied with Oluf’s glory, and sent a man to challenge his honor. Obviously the man stood no chance against the might of his Great Axe, resulting him running home and blaming the wounds on a hobgoblin assault. In the middle of the town square. Next to dozens of witnesses. Yeah, that didn’t fly so well with his father.

Directly after the battle, a strangely sinister robed man approached the party, impressed by their prowess, and offered them their very first proper quest. Not knowing of any negative consequences, and intrigued by the thought of a purse filled with gold, the party duly accepted.

~ Cedric, The Wandering Wizard

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Season One, Chapter Four - Maybe This Time He'll Learn

One particular elf did not seem to have learned too much from the last chapter, maybe this’ll sharpen him up.

Day 18, 7th of March 737 PC

After sleeping through the night after the preceding day’s battle, the party make their way towards Solstar, where they are given a proper showing of gratitude. Unfortunately because of the devastation of the town, there is a great lack of supplies, preventing them from holding a proper feast. Therefore the party was requested to escort the merchant Kale to the nearby city of Eastpine, so that he may strike a deal with the lords of Eastpine for some supplies. Along with the party Kale also recruited four other men to help guard the caravan that was to leave the following morning.

Day 19, 8th of March 737 PC

The party chats, travels, and dines with the caravan.

Day 20, 9th of March 737 PC

After spending half of the day travelling, Kale suddenly hushes the party to a sudden stop right before a clearing. Coming into the clearing from the other side is another party, led by a bulky warrior clad in heavy armor. Kale remains calm and tells the party to stay calm while he heads out to talk to them. After some loud shouting back and forth, seemingly about a magical ring, the party quickly realize this will soon escalate into combat, and charge towards them.

This battle proved to be the closest they had ever come to their match yet, with both sides taking grievous losses. While Oluf and Kilik were busy in the frontlines along with Kale and the mercenaries, Kardry attempted his grease into flint and steel combo yet again, this time to quite unpleasant results.

Where previously his target would be scorching in agony, the front-man of the opposing party, Jarr, took a mighty strike at Kardry, cleaving his left calf half-way through, leaving him completely incapacitated for the time being.

Their misfortune did not just end at that, however. While attempting to protect what remained of Kardry, Jack chose for Kale and Kilik to be his next targets. Proving his power, Jack plunged his sword rampantly towards the party, gutting them to the dust one by one until only Oluf remained. In fierce combat, Jack was eventually struck down by the mighty axe of Oluf Copperstout, but it was not without the loss of Kale and many of his mercenary comrades.

Still fueled by the adrenaline rush of the battle, Oluf then pulled Kilik, Kardry, and a lone surviving mercenary into the caravan. Not long after, Kilik came to his senses again, and managed to stabilize and wake most of them. By most, I mean everything except Kardry’s leg, which seemed to darken by the second. Realizing the gravity of the situation, Kardry asked for Oluf to cleave his leg clean off with his axe, so that what seemed like an infection was not to spread.

The sight of this was too much to bear for the surviving sellsword, whose name was revealed to be Jack, and he ran out puking. The rest of the night did not prove to be any easier, but luckily Kilik managed to get some sleep and regenerate his spells, much to Kardry’s benefit.

Day 21, 10th of March 737 PC

Looking to get some more help for Kardry, the party rushes to Eastpine together with Jack. Well, rushing is mayhaps not the best word to describe it, but they were going as fast as they could.

Day 22, 11th of March 737 PC

Eventually they do make it to Eastpine where they don’t spend a minute wailing around and head right for the nearest craftsman. Sure enough, they managed to strike a deal for Kardry to have fitted a wooden peg-leg for the modest sum of ten gold pieces.

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Season One, Chapter Three - Our Heroes Learn of Consequence

All decisions have consequences, whether major or minor the decision. This our heroes experience first hand.

Day 11, 28th of February 737 PC

The party makes way out of The Lost Woods and rest for the night by the edge of the forest.

Day 12, 1st of March 737 PC

After resting the party makes way for Solstar to retrieve their reward from the alchemist and check up on Poldo.

Day 13, 2nd of March 737 PC

The party spends the majority of the day travelling and end up just a few hours to the west of Solstar.

Day 14, 3rd of March 737 PC

The party wakes up after a good night of sleep, cracking jokes and telling stories while breaking the nightly fast, and proceed to journey into the village of Solstar. Peering into the village from the outside reveals nothing suspicious, and the party enters looking to find the alchemist. Most curiously, the party finds not a single soul or a voice upon entry, and raise their guard cautiously while venturing deeper into the town centre.

Doing what your stereotypical High Elf does best, Kardry thinks himself superior to anything that could be lurking in the city and runs forward alone into the marketplace without breaking a single rib— quite unfortunate if you ask me. Sure enough, the marketplace proved to be equally dead as the city outskirts—actually it was even more dead, as Kardry would find out in just a minute.

Being the opportunistic man that Kardry is, he takes the opportunity to scavenge the marketplace for some supplies, but upon getting closer he notices that what he earlier thought was just some suits of armour out on display, were actually slain town militia. The now not so arrogant elf returns hurryingly back to the party and informs them what he saw.

Being the brave souls that they are, our heroes venture back into the marketplace for further inspection, finding even more corpses which confirmed their suspicions that the attackers were demihuman, possibly goblins. After spending a good five minutes searching the bodies, the party hears clanging of metal coming from north of the city, plausibly the barracks.

As they get closer and closer to the barracks, the noise amplifies and amplifies in volume, climaxing as they come upon a band of goblins led by an ogre assaulting the barracks, confirm that the battle is indeed not yet over, although hundreds look to have died. The party hesitates for a second, but Oluf sees no other option that trying to save the remaining populace, and charges forward with the party following behind.

While going for his first slash, Oluf manages to cut deeply into the Ogre’s thigh, nearly incapacitating it and allowing our heroes to focus on finishing the hobgoblins first. Fighting alongside them were four young and brave townguards; regrettably one of them was slain by a bulky hobgoblin at the heat of battle. By combining the might of the party and the remaining guards, the defenders slaughtered the entirety of the hobgoblin battalion whilst the Ogre bled out.

Hoping to clear things up, Kardry approaches one of the guards, inquiring him about the attack. After taking time to catch his breath, the guard explains that what remains of the city is held up inside the town hall, and that he best talk to someone in charge.

Upon entry the party finds an elderly nobleman ranting to what appeared to the major. There are various interpretations of what the nobleman said, but it is believed to be regarding the city holding back its military too long, and that this could have been avoided if but a small party of a few adventurers would have scouted this attack coming. Oluf especially seemed to congitate strongly over this matter, perhaps to the point of feeling guilt for declining a job at the barracks.

The party is thenceforth gestured to approach the mayor, who expresses his deepest gratitude, but remains stern on the fact that the goblin threat is yet to be dealt with. He calls over a cleric who proceeds to give Oluf and Kilik some gentle rubs to ease their pain. Knowing there will be a time to ask questions later, the party remains silent and is equipped with horses and proceeds to ride towards The Cowering Hills where they were informed that the final goblin forces remained.

Day 15, 4th of March 737 PC

The party spends the day travelling swiftly, only allowing a few short breaks for rest.

Day 16, 5th of March 737 PC

Yet again the party gallop hurryingly on horseback while Kilik heals the party to pristine health.

Day 17, 6th of March 737 PC

When coming upon The Cowering Hills and nearing the suspected goblin hideout, the party rests until evening to allow for a more stealthy approach. The final hour or so would be up a steep hill through a dense forest, thus the party deemed it best to leave the horses behind when they prowled towards the goblins.

After a while the party spots a hobgoblin patrolling a clearing; unsure if he spotted them they quickly duck behind trees, waiting to see what happens. With adrenaline rushing through their veins, the party hears the hobgoblin steps getting further and further away. Believing their presence was unnoticed, the party agrees to ambush the guard when he returns on his patrol route. Sure enough, the guard returns but a few minutes later, and the party prepares for attack.

Quite unfortunately for the party, the second they charge forward against the patrolling guard, a pack of half a dozen other Hobgoblins are revealed charging towards the party, and combat ensues. The battle was long and hard-fought, but the real interesting part was in the very end when Kardry bested a reinforcing Hobgoblin Shaman Chief.

The battle was looking rather grim, with our soon™ to be legends being heavily outnumbered with opponents both bulkier and larger than them, when Kardry had a grand idea, which he often—cough, has. At the time of battle, Oluf and Kilik were fending of most of the infantry whilst Kardry had the shaman all for himself.

Wielding great power, the chief held up his grandiose warhammer, enchanting it with a tree bark covering, ready to smash it upon Kardry’s frail head. Performing what now could be considered as Kardry’s signature trick, he cast grease upon the chieftain, proceeded to run off behind him to pick up a torch, and promptly immolated the shaman. With the shaman falling, so fell his warhammer to the ground, and with the warhammer lay a finely gem-crested ring.

This inspired great fear in the hobgoblin infantry; the fact that a measly elf could set ablaze their greatest chieftain in the midst of battle, and the tides were turned into almost an easy victory—well, except for a certain incident with a dwarven cleric, which for the sake of epicness shalt not be further detailed.

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Season One, Chapter Two - Hobgoblins...

Very little information was to be had of this particular adventure, thus my storyelling suffers greatly.

Day 3, 20th of February 737 PC

The party spends the majority of the day walking towards Solstar with some rest in between.

Day 4, 21st of February 737 PC

While travelling towards Solstar, the party is ambushed by a band of five hobgoblins. Kilik is majorly wounded and uncontious, but with the might of Oluf’s battle axe and Kardry’s intelligence, the party manages to fend off the hobgoblins and make Kilik’s condition stable.

Day 5, 22nd of February 737 PC

The party spends their day drinking and resting at The Leaky Tit. Oluf makes some dwarven friends.

Day 6, 23rd of February 737 PC

Kardry sells off a Battle Axe, and Oluf purchases a Great Axe.

Day 7, 24th of February 737 PC

Kilik awakens, but the party spends another day resting.

Day 8, 25th of February 737 PC

The party gets a job at the local alchemist to gather some Shadowling herbs in The Lost Woods for fifty gold. Poldo Shadowbrew falls sick and cannot join the party for the next few days.

Day 9, 26th of February 737 PC

They rest for a final day to prepare for finding The Leeching Lake deep in The Lost Woods.

Day 10, 27th of February 737 PC

The party, with exception of Poldo, spends the majority of the day travelling.

Day 11, 28th of February 737 PC

After a lot of creeping around, our heroes find The Leeching Lake together with a few brushes of Shadowling. While picking the herbs, the party is ambushed by five skeletons whom they made quick work of with the help of Kilik’s holy powers.

~ Cedric, The Wandering Wizard

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Season One, Chapter One - Every Story Must Have A Beginning...

Truly one of my favourite tales, in this adventure we get to know our heroes in what some might call a bit too descriptive way, but I think it spices things up quite nicely.

“You have all become adventurers out of different reasons and for different causes, what you do have in common is that all been individually employed by an underling of the local mayor Jerman Gerth to search the nearby hills for goblin activity. Unfortunately before finding out anything other than that Greybutter and moss do not make a very tasty combination, you were caught and imprisoned by a band of goblins. You find yourself clumped in a dirty cell clearly not fit for your kind. Kilik, Oluf and Kardry have to stand on their knees, but Poldo on the other hand is very comfortable, and has found himself a nice, mossy spot in the corner of the cell. Goblins snuffing and cracking jokes are heard in a room nearby, with a large iron cell-door separating you.”

Day 1, 18th of February 737 PC

After getting a terrible night of rest, Kardry gets a brilliant idea to smear grease on the iron cell door bars, and attempt to slip through. Oluf conjured up some Greybutter from his arse, and smeared it all over Kardry’s face. Understanding that this is what had to be done, Kardry accepted the symbolic arsebutter smearing. After casting grease on the iron bars, first Kardry himself tries to get through the bars, but with no luck. Afterwards, Poldo cleanly gets through without any issues. He promptly retrieves his thief tools and picklocks the door without any issue. Kilik is at this moment in intimate contact with the iron bars, suckling, caressing and licking them lovingly. Oluf, Kardry and Poldo retrieve their gear without any issue, but getting Kilik out of the cell will prove to be their undoing.

Understanding Kilik’s full love for iron bars, Oluf takes a lump of the only thing Kilik loves more than straight and hard iron poles: Greybutter. As Oluf puts the Greybutter in front of Kilik, his attention is quickly focused on the Greybutter. To lure Kilik out of the cell and make him pick up his gear, Oluf gets the rather smart idea of throwing the Greybutter on Kiliks gear, unfortunately he misses completely and the goblins are attracted.

Combat ensues, and Poldo makes quick work of both goblins, impaling the head of one, and piercing the heart of the other. Poldo makes a remark about taking the head of one as a trophy, but his thoughts are on other things, and thus he ends up forgetting. The party proceeds to make their way into a tunnel to the left, revealing a room with four armed goblins below them.

They find a nearby boulder and attempt to push it down on the goblins, but Oluf’s strength pushes the boulder too far, and it ends up hitting none of the goblins. One of the goblins run away, while the three remaining brace for combat and charge towards the party. Kilik quickly makes short work of two, pushing one over a steep cliff, and clashing the other against the cavern wall. The third goblin attempts to hack at Oluf, but ends up dropping down the ridge to his death.

Three more goblins charge into the room, but brace themselves defensively. One of them is clearly the Clan Chieftain, while the other two seem like bodyguards. Oluf oils himself in Greybutter, slides down the ridgeway, proceeds to parry three hits and then cleaves the Chief’s head in two, while the bodyguards are finished by Kilik. At this point Oluf forgets to recover his Great Axe. After a long period of looting and discussion, the party agrees to get out of the cavern and make their way for Simstel, a nearby town.

After getting to Simstel, they head straight to the mayor’s office and ask for a reward. After a long and strenuous discussion between the secretary and Kardry, he reveals that the mayor may have all his money “invested” in a gambling opponent known as Pardn Mee, and the party is sent to retrieve the gold silently, as the town may not know that the mayor is a gambling addict. Before heading out to find Pardn Mee, the party gets a whole day of rest at a nearby tavern.

Day 2, 19th of February 737 PC

The next day they head out to Pardn Mee’s shop, and attempt to talk him into handing over the gold, but this proves not to be an easy task, and Pardn Mee denies any claim of him owing money to the mayor. Poldo gets the idea of distracting people from Pardn Mee so that they could possibly get a more private conversation, by playing his flute. The flute playing was absolutely atrocious, but thankfully Oluf jumps in and does the most amazing twerk the town has ever witnessed. “Dat butterchurning dwarven arse”.

While the crowd is distracted, Kilik and Kardry attempt to make Pardn Mee comply using a Command spell, but Kilik not being the most experienced cleric misunderstands the use of the spell, and they fail yet again. The party meet up outside, and plot yet another plan. This time Kardry will try to engage Pardn Mee in conversation, while Poldo sneaks in the back door to find any evidence of his gambling, or at the most extreme to knock out Pardn.

Pardn and Kardry engage in a deep conversation about nylon string, while Poldo stealthily managed to get into the backside wareroom, and searched the room for anything of note. Irritated that he could not find anything, he steals a sapphire and makes his way to the door separating the main shop room and the wareroom. Meanwhile this is happening, Oluf and Kilik make their way over to the mayors office. He listens carefully and notes that Parnd Mee would be directly on the other side of the door. Unsure of what to do, Poldo silently opens the door and stabs Pardn Mee in the thigh, ensuing a clusterfuck.

In full panicmode, Kardry knocks out Pardn Mee and throws his quarterstaff to Poldo, telling him to pretend to be assaulting him. After Poldo hitting Kardry a couple of times in the head, Poldo runs off through the back door, and two guards charge into the shop from the front. Kardry pulling off the best acting performance of his life, convinces the guards that he was indeed assaulted by a Halfling, who ran out the back door. Reacting as fast as they could, the guards run outside, but by then Poldo had alredy climbed up on the roof.

Depressed as hell, Kardry makes his way to the tavern and sits outside watching the rain. After a couple of minutes, Poldo shows up and they end up in a not heated, but slightly warm argument. Eventually they make their way to the mayors office, where they find Kilik and Oluf talking to the secretary from earlier. Not wanting any trouble, the secretary advises them to skip town and never mention anything of this. Very disappointed in themselves, the party heads out and makes way for Solstar.

~ Cedric, The Wandering Wizard

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