Truly one of my favourite tales, in this adventure we get to know our heroes in what some might call a bit too descriptive way, but I think it spices things up quite nicely.
“You have all become adventurers out of different reasons and for different causes, what you do have in common is that all been individually employed by an underling of the local mayor Jerman Gerth to search the nearby hills for goblin activity. Unfortunately before finding out anything other than that Greybutter and moss do not make a very tasty combination, you were caught and imprisoned by a band of goblins. You find yourself clumped in a dirty cell clearly not fit for your kind. Kilik, Oluf and Kardry have to stand on their knees, but Poldo on the other hand is very comfortable, and has found himself a nice, mossy spot in the corner of the cell. Goblins snuffing and cracking jokes are heard in a room nearby, with a large iron cell-door separating you.”
Day 1, 18th of February 737 PC
After getting a terrible night of rest, Kardry gets a brilliant idea to smear grease on the iron cell door bars, and attempt to slip through. Oluf conjured up some Greybutter from his arse, and smeared it all over Kardry’s face. Understanding that this is what had to be done, Kardry accepted the symbolic arsebutter smearing. After casting grease on the iron bars, first Kardry himself tries to get through the bars, but with no luck. Afterwards, Poldo cleanly gets through without any issues. He promptly retrieves his thief tools and picklocks the door without any issue. Kilik is at this moment in intimate contact with the iron bars, suckling, caressing and licking them lovingly. Oluf, Kardry and Poldo retrieve their gear without any issue, but getting Kilik out of the cell will prove to be their undoing.
Understanding Kilik’s full love for iron bars, Oluf takes a lump of the only thing Kilik loves more than straight and hard iron poles: Greybutter. As Oluf puts the Greybutter in front of Kilik, his attention is quickly focused on the Greybutter. To lure Kilik out of the cell and make him pick up his gear, Oluf gets the rather smart idea of throwing the Greybutter on Kiliks gear, unfortunately he misses completely and the goblins are attracted.
Combat ensues, and Poldo makes quick work of both goblins, impaling the head of one, and piercing the heart of the other. Poldo makes a remark about taking the head of one as a trophy, but his thoughts are on other things, and thus he ends up forgetting. The party proceeds to make their way into a tunnel to the left, revealing a room with four armed goblins below them.
They find a nearby boulder and attempt to push it down on the goblins, but Oluf’s strength pushes the boulder too far, and it ends up hitting none of the goblins. One of the goblins run away, while the three remaining brace for combat and charge towards the party. Kilik quickly makes short work of two, pushing one over a steep cliff, and clashing the other against the cavern wall. The third goblin attempts to hack at Oluf, but ends up dropping down the ridge to his death.
Three more goblins charge into the room, but brace themselves defensively. One of them is clearly the Clan Chieftain, while the other two seem like bodyguards. Oluf oils himself in Greybutter, slides down the ridgeway, proceeds to parry three hits and then cleaves the Chief’s head in two, while the bodyguards are finished by Kilik. At this point Oluf forgets to recover his Great Axe. After a long period of looting and discussion, the party agrees to get out of the cavern and make their way for Simstel, a nearby town.
After getting to Simstel, they head straight to the mayor’s office and ask for a reward. After a long and strenuous discussion between the secretary and Kardry, he reveals that the mayor may have all his money “invested” in a gambling opponent known as Pardn Mee, and the party is sent to retrieve the gold silently, as the town may not know that the mayor is a gambling addict. Before heading out to find Pardn Mee, the party gets a whole day of rest at a nearby tavern.
Day 2, 19th of February 737 PC
The next day they head out to Pardn Mee’s shop, and attempt to talk him into handing over the gold, but this proves not to be an easy task, and Pardn Mee denies any claim of him owing money to the mayor. Poldo gets the idea of distracting people from Pardn Mee so that they could possibly get a more private conversation, by playing his flute. The flute playing was absolutely atrocious, but thankfully Oluf jumps in and does the most amazing twerk the town has ever witnessed. “Dat butterchurning dwarven arse”.
While the crowd is distracted, Kilik and Kardry attempt to make Pardn Mee comply using a Command spell, but Kilik not being the most experienced cleric misunderstands the use of the spell, and they fail yet again. The party meet up outside, and plot yet another plan. This time Kardry will try to engage Pardn Mee in conversation, while Poldo sneaks in the back door to find any evidence of his gambling, or at the most extreme to knock out Pardn.
Pardn and Kardry engage in a deep conversation about nylon string, while Poldo stealthily managed to get into the backside wareroom, and searched the room for anything of note. Irritated that he could not find anything, he steals a sapphire and makes his way to the door separating the main shop room and the wareroom. Meanwhile this is happening, Oluf and Kilik make their way over to the mayors office. He listens carefully and notes that Parnd Mee would be directly on the other side of the door. Unsure of what to do, Poldo silently opens the door and stabs Pardn Mee in the thigh, ensuing a clusterfuck.
In full panicmode, Kardry knocks out Pardn Mee and throws his quarterstaff to Poldo, telling him to pretend to be assaulting him. After Poldo hitting Kardry a couple of times in the head, Poldo runs off through the back door, and two guards charge into the shop from the front. Kardry pulling off the best acting performance of his life, convinces the guards that he was indeed assaulted by a Halfling, who ran out the back door. Reacting as fast as they could, the guards run outside, but by then Poldo had alredy climbed up on the roof.
Depressed as hell, Kardry makes his way to the tavern and sits outside watching the rain. After a couple of minutes, Poldo shows up and they end up in a not heated, but slightly warm argument. Eventually they make their way to the mayors office, where they find Kilik and Oluf talking to the secretary from earlier. Not wanting any trouble, the secretary advises them to skip town and never mention anything of this. Very disappointed in themselves, the party heads out and makes way for Solstar.
~ Cedric, The Wandering Wizard